Christmas Season is Here!

The joy of the season!  Putting up the tree, decorating, secret Santa draws, shopping, wrapping, baking, preparing!  The hustle and bustle.  It’s something we look forward to every year, when people are a little kinder, more generous, and warmer with the glow of the Christmas season.

Tearful Soaked Traditions

For me, the first year after the Yeti passed Christmas was so difficult. My normal annual traditions of card making, shopping, and baking was wrought with tears. Every breath I drew and every greeting of the season, no matter how beautiful and kind, was marked with sorrow. Nothing was “normal”.  I waited for the Christmas spirit to set in, but it never came.

This year is my second Christmas without him, and even though the pain isn’t as raw, there are still pangs in the heart every now and then.

Giving with Love

Giving and receiving gifts is one of my strongest love languages. You can imagine the joy I get when I find that special present for that special individual. It’s like scoring a goal when I find the ideal gift! It gives me great joy to see someone’s face light up when they open my present.

I loved shopping for the Yeti. He wasn’t really a “gift guy”, and always told me that he didn’t need anything. He made a point in saying he had all he needed in having his kids and me in his life, but still, I shopped, and he was delighted and appreciated the gifts I gave him.

Now that he is no longer physically present, I miss picking out the perfect thing for him. I still see the gifts I would have bought if he were still here, and it brings sadness.  It was an expression and extension of my love. The love that has no where to go, and it becomes grief.

Christmas Grief

Christmas grief is so much deeper than just the empty chair at the dinner table, it’s in all the preparation during the holiday season. Going solo to events and parties and having no hand to hold. It’s in decorating alone, asking yourself “why am I doing this?”. Baking his favourite treats, to not have him here to comment “how delicious!” and “did you know, butter tarts make everything better!”.

Grief, especially Christmas grief is hard, and it just sucks. Everyday, I must feel it and carry on.

Finding Hope

I am trying find new traditions, or just focus on the real meaning of Christmas, the journey, the manger, and the baby. Being a Christian is my comfort in this holiday season. I am traveling along with the magi, following the star to Bethlehem, awaiting the wonderous birth.

I am comforted and brings me peace to imagine the real beauty of Christmas from where, I believe, the Yeti is now.

Whatever brings you sadness and heartache while trying to face the holidays, please know that I wish you love and peace as you navigate your way through the sparkling tinsel, Christmas carols and excitement.  I know it is not easy, and I am holding space for you.

Read more at:

https://griefjoylove.ca/blog/