Moving forward in life and closing doors behind you is not easy after loss. It is necessary to continue to live life. Life can hold many surprises and has brought me unexpected beauty in the form of a new relationship.

After I lost the Yeti, I anticipated that I would never love again. It was cemented in me that the Yeti was my last chance at love, and as I was getting older with each passing year, I had concluded that love would never find me again.

My friends were not convinced that I would remain alone for long. They had more confidence in me finding a new relationship than I ever did. Truthfully, I was not ready for a few years. I worked so hard at keeping my love for the Yeti present. I wanted people to speak his name, to tell me stories and to remember him.  I am sure many felt grief exhaustion by my commitment to keeping him “alive”.

When you lose someone so important to you, it can feel impossible to let them just rest. You see, love still lives in the heart and that is something that I can never forget.  One day, a few months ago, the unexpected happened. I started communicating with a man, who I believe was divinely guided to me, with all my guardian angels reminding me that I did not have to be alone.  They worked their heavenly magic and introduced me to someone incredibly special.

Our attraction grew for each other as we conversed easily and found surprising synchronicity, constant laughter, and undeniable chemistry.  It was no mistake that we connected because we were meant to know each other. Within a few weeks we met in person, and an exciting, new relationship was born.

To fully invest in this man, who is so deserving, I had to refocus my attention from bathing in memories of the Yeti, to focusing on this important, new relationship, growing in love, and creating new memories.  This meant saying goodbye to the Yeti, again.

One can only imagine the challenges that brings.  It really all started with a visit to the cemetery and having a talk with him. As I stood over his memorial marker, with tears streaming down my face, I told him “I can no longer live where you are, I need to live where I am.”

I know he understands and does not expect me to be alone forever.   If I were to guess, I would think he is overjoyed for me.  While I am still alive, I deserve to have all the blessings that living offers.  That includes, the sweetness of my new relationship.

Each step in saying goodbye after four years of bereavement is difficult, including taking most of the photos out of frames and putting them in an album, dismantling “the shrine” of memorial gifts that have been on the shelf for four years and packing away special treasures that he and I shared as a couple.

It is now time for new photos, new discoveries, and the sharing of this new love with my remarkable road guy.

This is a time of renewal for me.  A time of discovery.  With the Yeti, I was “his sweetheart”, after he died, I was “that grieving woman”, and now, I get to find out who I am all over again.  I have come to know that I can survive almost anything, I am brave, independent, and stronger than I ever thought I could be.

I am looking forward to growing in my relationship with the RG, and sharing this tremendous, deep love and understanding that dwells inside of me.   The gift in life is knowing that love expands.   It will never detract from love you had for another, in a different time in your life. For me, it is the richest blessing to be able to share my love, dedication, and commitment to an incredible man.

Meanwhile, as I pack up these keepsakes the door to the other side will remain open, just a crack to allow for moments of remembering and honoring what was once a significant and beautiful part of my life.

Leave a crack in the door, for memories to roam,
In the chambers of the heart, you find your home.
Connected still, though worlds apart,
In the eternal dance of love, you reside in my heart.

jc

Taking Back My Brave by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

When Should A Widow to Move On? Part II